Fuck this

 Fuck it, forget it.

I'm no fucking teenager but this is really fucking stupid. I'm done with wanting to stay close to so called best friends.

Also fuck man child. I'd never want to date another man child in my fucking life ever again.

I literally wanna disappear from this entire line of friends so they don't have to deal with me, I don't ever have to feel outcasted and blatantly ignored from my ex within my own same fucking friend group which I've been close to for years.

The fucking audacity that they tell me if anyone has any thoughts of offing themselves should go talk to someone or their friends. Whenever I spoke to them they give me lectures when I just want to complain. I just want someone to listen and when I come to you, you give me your fucking POV why my opinions are wrong. Then fuck you. Practice what you fucking preach.

I'm no fucking perfect person, neither are any of us. But at least I don't give out false pretenses of wanting to be someone of use and actually doing it instead of saying honeyed words. Well that's a damn shocker innit.

its been a week

 Its been a week since I've last spoken to you apart from the one text for new years.

I missed you. I wanted to tell you all the plans I have for myself and what I can do to improve myself to be a better version of me.

I've been dying to tell you but I still have to wait for you to be ready to talk to me.

Every passing moment feels like an eternity. I wished how much I could hold your hand and talk with you so you can feel each of my sincerity.

I still love you. I still want to talk to you.

I wanted to comfort you, move you. I want to end your sadness and pain

I want us to help each other to bring each other's positive sides. I hope you can do it with me.